|Thank you to everyone that has been reading and commenting on my fics Your eyes and attention are much appreciated !|
Well my life is boring except for workouts. I am seeing better results now, than I did when I was in college going to the gym three times a day, six days a week. Work is work...still scrounging for customers and still helping who can. I am also reading this book called " Nice Girls Don't Get Rich- 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money" by Lois P. Frankel. It is helping me out alot. It's a darn shame that women are taught to basically let men handle all the finances and we are not "great" at math and all that other stuff. I believe women are capable of being financially stable without a man if they don't act on emotion and always consider the long-term and not the impulse. When I was going through my divorce, and hell, even through my marriage, I shopped, I wont lie. I had just graduated college and was working two jobs, and I needed appropriate clothing for my two jobs. I had more money BEFORE I got married. Had I known that my husband was gonna play the role of gold-digger, I NEVER would have gotten married. I will admit, I learned very valuable lessons from him and my independence is now considered a threat. Oh well. You have to be prepared for ANYTHING nowadays. You never know when the government is gonna cut spending, if your job is gonna lay you off, if you're gonna get sick, hurt, or in my case robbed...you just have to think like Scar and BE PREPARED. Don't let your emotions make you go broke, young lions!
And speaking of Lions, my mother and I paid a visit to my father the other day. I have been better about calling him more, because he is getting older and I am not getting nay younger. Alot of things about his side of the family were FINALLY revealed to me when they came to visit us from DC/Maryland (they are really from Detroit). When my father was a child, his own parents got divorced. His father, went off with another woman. My paternal Grandmother, Bernice, was living in the basement of her sister's house with my father and his sister. My father would get very sick int he wintertime and Bernie didn't want her children to grow up that way. She wanted better for them, so she found my Grandfather, who was living in a beautiful, healthy home to take the children, for the better of their well-being. Well, my father was under the impression that my Grandma just "gave " him and his sister, my Aunt Gwen up. SO My Dad just really didn't have the greatest attitude towards women. My mom was his fourth wife and he was a bit of a playboy. However, he has built several, beautiful homes and served in the military ( Vietnam). He is a wonderful artist and very, very intelligent. He is also a smart ass, like me, and can cut you down quickly.
When this was finally explained to me, everything finally made some damn sense. I had long gotten over the resentment I felt for him leaving my mom the way he did when I was two, but as I got older I realized that I can't be angry for something that had nothing to do with me. Mom and Dad are two very different people and I am who I am. They are friends, and he still even flirts with mom. She has her own feeling about certain things, but I have told her that she needs to let it go. What' done is done. When I walked around his house the other day ( he built it) I took pictures of a Venus de Milo statue that he carved from wood, sanded, and painted black topped with a clear coat when he was stationed in Hawaii. There are several other sculptures that he has created. He can also make stuff from formica and marble which is very impressive to me. I get my artistic talent from him, and my love of reading and writing from my mother. I am very fortunate to have yin-yang parents when for years I thought I was disadvantage from coming from a broken home. Also, the fact that I have never had a real "relationship" with a guy considering how old I am made me feel pretty shitty, too, and having jobs that always seem to NOT appreciate my hard work were a kick to my self-esteem.
Having the time spent in listening to him talk about the things he's created, the time he's put into it...how it pleases HIM, made me re-think a whole lot of things. Whenever I take breaks from writing, it's one of two things: either no one's reading or commenting, or I have a really bad case of writing block. I've had to re-evaluate where my inspiration was coming from. I had to re-watched the many different anime series that my fanfics come from...it was my PERSONAL FEELINGS and reactions to the characters that inspired my writing, in the same manner that my father made a sculpture or a house. It was his own feelings, his own happiness that pushed him to continue. True, it's cool when people like your stuff; it thrills me when I get a request for updates, and
feedback on chapters. But at the end of the day, what I write reflects what unique images and scenarios are gong thru my mind...and it's my mind alone. You can agree or disagree with what I write and it's okay...it's really okay! Because at the end of the day, it's y happiness that matters.
Even at the job, they try to pressure me with "what the company thins" and all that blah blah blah, and they form cliques and all that utter nonsense. but I am there to share my talent and knowledge with people who may or may not have any idea about skincare and makeup and also help them feel a bit better about themselves. And as far as money is concerned, no, I don't make what I feel I deserve, but I know I will not be working there forever, being underpaid an unappreciated. There is more out there!
It's amazing how one little visit opened so many ideas